DVDs In My Closet


by Geraldine Touer

Remember the days when the word torrent used to refer to flood water? How about the time pirated dvd vendors where so important to our lives that the band Sandwich just had to do a tribute song? Two years ago, before I learned about seeding and leeching movies, (entire TV show seasons even!), all hope I had of ever watching a lesbian flick in full was if some blessed being uploads the entire thing on Youtube. After buffering all ten parts (if the site has not yet taken down the account of the uploader), I had to redo the process if I wanted to watch the movie again. Two years ago, being a flaming homosexual movie buff was a painstaking task. That was why, what few DVDs I have, I find hard to let go.

Buying physical copies of lesbian flicks is pretty much like buying porn. They are not mainstream (porn is even more visible along the bangketa than Piper Perabo or Mischa Barton), and one has to deal with the difficulty of concealing their identity, at least I do. I had three DVDs of lesbian-themed movies, two of them were pirated. The first one I ever bought was Imagine Me & You, at a local mall in my province. I was actually scouring the DVD stalls for Hairspray, but when I saw it, I bought it immediately without bothering to have it tested whether it works. Thankfully, it did.

My second physical copy was a VCD of Ang T-Bird at Ako, the Nora and Vilma movie. I bought it from Astrovision for 150 pesos. My third was Water Lilies which I saw lying on a straw mat along a busy roadside in Baguio City. The copy’s title was in French, and I doubted anyone walking along that street actually knew what it was about so I had no qualms about the 50 pesos I handed the vendor in exchange for it.

Those three were my prized possessions. I used ‘were’ because they no longer are with me. I spent almost two years hiding them in my closet, underneath my clothes. It was two years of changing locations, of placing them in unrecognizable bags, of turning the covers inside out, so that I can keep them from my mother who seemed to have made a hobby out of rearranging my shirts as if they were furniture. I even placed them for a month underneath my bed. This proved to be a bad idea, I had to run to my room every time I see my mother come in with a broom to make sure they were safe. I also tried carrying the DVDs with me to school and back home, but my friends would sometimes ask to check the contents of my bag and I hate having to offer excuses.

Eventually, the stress of living with three DVDs of lesbian-themed films as if they were contraband was too much to bear. After two years, I decided to let go. I threw them down the trash chute of our condo without the ceremony deserving of the works of art I tried to protect for so long, but failed, from the eyes of this judgemental world.

I hope someone seeds ang T-Bird at Ako really soon.


9 responses »

  1. hahaha have watched several lesbian movies and i actually have them in my hard drive, but not Ang T-Bird ay Ako. haha. scouring R. Hidalgo for DVDs is still exciting though.

  2. “Ang T-bird at Ako” is one of my all-time favorite Tagalog films. Brilliant script and fantastic acting by the cast. Sure, I find myself wanting to thrash the TV every time I get to the ending, but I’m certain that’s the film studio twisting the writer’s arms. Bought an original copy just to encourage them to print more of these old films.

    I’m happy to find this blog, especially because I rarely meet someone who is as passionate about Willow & Tara as I am. I even followed Season 8 on comics to keep up with the Scoobies (thank goodness that’s finished, took ’em almost 4 years).

    Looking forward to your next posts. 😉

  3. Hi Scout, brilliant script and acting talaga lalo na yung part na nagtatalo sila sa may hagdanan. I wish I could watch it again though, abangan ko na lang sa PBO or wherever 😀 Hey you should go to kittenboard, but I bet you know kittenboard by now seeing that you are passionate about Willow and Tara.

  4. You know, I may have a Kittenboard account, as I was quite active in various Buffy boards while S7 was still on air in the US. But that was so long ago, and I’ve already forgotten my login credentials. 😦 Ano ang pinag-uusapan nila ngayon doon? Willow/Kennedy? Buffy/Satsu?

    And hey, have you downloaded T-bird yet? There is an active torrent out there. I lost my copy, too, so I went the pirate’s way. If you have difficulty finding seeders, I could share mine with you via Dropbox, if you have it installed. Eng’g ka naman so you must be techie. I spent so many years in EEE myself.

  5. Oh they never talk about Kennedy on Kittenboard. You can’t even type her name, it’s in the coding whatever of the site. It’s one of the rules of Kitten: No Kennedy, not now, not ever.

    I haven’t gotten around to downloading it, may dinodownload pa kasi ako, Room in Rome. Siguro in three days time, I’ll let you know. 🙂

  6. Hard core, LOL. It’s not like she killed Tara, right? Oh well.

    Sige, and let me know if Room in Rome is worth the bandwidth.

  7. Really hard core Kennedy hate, but I understand, she annoys me like hell. Hey, you can find fics with one of the characters having a relationship with Xander, Oz, or Gaga forbid, even Warren, but never Kennedy.

    Sure I’ll let you know, pero may nakapila pang The World Unseen at I Can’t Think Straight 😛

  8. So weird. Parang deja vu. A friend of mine recently recommended those three films, Room in Rome, World Unseen and I Can’t Think Straight. It’s as if they are haunting me to watch them, LOL.

    Well, Amber Benson and Adam Busch did date, so fans pairing up their characters is not so shocking… but still incredibly twisted. I don’t know, maybe Iyari just didn’t do justice to the character, but anyone who can make Willow smile (and is not evil) after everything she went through is OK in my book.

    BTW, have you seen Black Swan? That scene with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in the disco looks almost exactly like Buffy/Faith in Bad Girls.

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