Intra-Couple Wars

by Geri    PG

Even within couples that display the best chemistry, I tend to have my favorites. Here is a list of my favorite couples and my favorite half of them.

Pepa y Sylvia de Los Hombres de Paco

Undoubtedly the hottest lesbian couple as this new year opened, it’s not even two-minutes into the new season and these two are already making funny faces at each other, at Don Lorenzo’s back at that. What makes this couple really click are the intense looks they give one another, gazes that speak of how much they adore the other half.  That and “It looks like I’m putting down my gun in surrender but I’m really feinting a la Leonidas, so when her defenses become lax, I want you to pin her arms behind her back while I handcuff them.”

El granador en mi corazon: Pepa Miranda

This one is pretty obvious. I gave it a thought and I realized, if I ever met Silvia in the real world, I never would have made friends with her. The Silvia I know of (last season) is stiff and inflexible. She clings to rules which initially blocked her feelings for Pepa. She also has this sense of professionalism that doesn’t make her Erica Hahn-hot, it just makes me want to avoid her.

Pero, mi Pepa, mi vest wearing, quirky, very gay, jolly, no strings attached, black sheep, rule breaking, six-footer of a woman, that’s more like it. She makes me want to learn como hablar Espanol. Her incredible sense of fashion is distinctly hers (checkered shirt, suspenders and a vest under a leather jacket next episode, how gay can she get?). She’s patient, she seldom gets angry, but when she does, she flares up. She is a gentle woman, she knows how to take care of Silvia. The red head is lucky to finally break that impenetrable resolve of hers and savor that warm, caressing, nothing held back kiss of Pepa.

Willow and Tara: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

They were my favorite couple before PepSi, and though they no longer are, they are still a big part of me. They are sweet, they are groundbreaking, they are the type that can make soda machines fly by linking their hands. Their idea of humor are lesbian breast jokes and insect reflections. They were not the most sexually charged couple, but they were the first to shed their clothes off in a bed scene in primetime TV (beat that, Shonda!). Willow and Tara are not just a couple, they are an institution.

The level five witch: Tara Maclay

Vulnerable and shy, Tara, for me, is the stronger of the two. I should note that both of them would have been my friends if I met them in real life. I guess that my leanings toward Tara stems from my sympathy of her: she came from an abusive family with no apparent friends until college, she’s shy and she stutters, she’s still an outsider no matter how good the Scoobies are towards her, and despite all of that, she managed to sacrifice the best thing that happened to her; Willow, in order to guide her into doing the right thing. After all of that, she died because of a stray bullet through her heart; that’s how fair Buffyverse is.

PS: I only read fanfics of Willow with Tara, but when it comes to Tara, I can manage to read fanfiction of her shipped with other characters. That’s called favoritism.

Sue and Maud: Fingersmith

They are a complicated couple, they fell in lust before they fell in love. If socio-economic status wasn’t enough, they had to double-cross each other for a prize they later realize they don’t even want anyway. Still, they displayed a great chemistry, and in the end, were able to understand and forgive each other. But the most important thing is, they allowed themselves to love the other. And they lived happily ever after! Surprise!

The real “expert”: Maud Lilly-slash-Sucksby-slash-Lilly again if gay marriage was legal those days

This is a tough call, I don’t know which of them do I like more. What I love about Sue is that I can probably depend on her, she being street smart and all. But in the end, I chose Maud, for no other reason that she and I are so alike, it scares me. It’s like I let her into my dirtiest little secrets and she, impressed,  decided to be me.

Luce and Rachel, Imagine Me & You

The Underdog: Heck

If I can’t explain a couple, there must be some reason. Though Lena Heady is uber-hot (I prefer to see her in Sarah Connor Chronicles though), I just can’t dig into the relationship. By the end, I ended up feeling sorry for Heck and wanting to marry him instead so I can help him pick up pieces from his broken, good, gentleman’s heart. And I’m a lesbian so that speaks alot!

P.S. By the way, best bi-curious line ever

Heck: Iddy, are you gay?

Iddy: am I gay? I’m ecstatic!

Other couples:

Lucy Diamond vs Amy Bradshaw (DEBS):

Lucy Diamond

Rome vs Juliet (Rome and Juliet):

Rome

Anabelle vs Simone (Loving Anabelle):

Simone

Paulie vs Tori (Lost and Delirious):

Mary Brave

Callie Torres vs Erica Hahn (That-which-must-not-be-named):

Me, for the title of Captain Obvious

How about you, among your favorite couples, who is your better half? Tell me what you think. I’d love to hear them.

What if Willow and Tara hooked up in 2008?

by Geri

In light of Brookegate (for I know that I can never stop talking about this treachery), what if Willow and Tara hooked up in 2008, in this age of tolerance, equality, social acceptance and an increasing population of lesbian characters on prime time TV?

Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the first ever lesbian couple on prime time TV that involved a regular character. Willow and Tara are portrayed in the show as each other’s true love, in a relationship that spanned more than two seasons, ending with Tara’s death as she was shot by a stray bullet. They are also my favorite couple, as I will elaborate in a different article, but I suggest you do research now (You Tube, Kitten Board), because Willow and Tara is a good investment and would be your first venture into establishing your lesbo street cred.

Tara(left) and Willow(right), your passport to Lesbo Street Cred

So what if these soulmates met today and not back in the year 2000?

• Willow will screw her “person” Xander to prove that she’s not a lesbian.
• After they hook up, Tara will get emotional and tell Willow of her life as a kid; riding horses and being told by her family that her demon side will manifest when she turns 20. Willow will promptly run off to screw Xander. TWICE. On the same day, and will find out that sex with either is awesome.

Good old, loyal Xander

• They would not be naked in bed. EVER. They would refer to wear hideous nightgowns.
• Tara would not have died of a stray bullet at the end of season 6 because Amber Benson would have been fired after the seventh episode for playing a lesbian who’s not Hollywood stick thin.
• Joss Whedon, the creator of the show, would release a statement like: “Miss Amber Benson was clearly not fired for playing a lesbian as there is still another lesbian on the show named Willow Rosenberg.” which no one would actually believe, or something like: “To say that we must not fire an actress because she was playing a lesbian is as offensive to me as to say that she must stay on the show because she plays a straight, boring person.”
• GLAAD would actually back-up these statements, hoping that the show would further develop Willow’s lesbianism
• Willow and Tara’s legion of loyal fans called Kittens (I am one!) would get outraged by this and and send thousands of hate mail and boxes of barbie dolls with genuine molded plastic stamped up their asses to Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon, Mutant Enemy and UPN.

Good thing my favorite couple were stuck at the turn of the new millenium. It’s a blessing!