What is Serendipity?: Jane Austen, Fingersmith and the story of my de-shelving

by Geri

Note: This is not a So You Don’t Have To article. This is about my love and hate relationship with finding les-curious novels in our dear Motherland (charot!). GP

If you have no idea what de-shelved means, read my former post Of Lesbians in closets and lesbians on shelves.

This room is mine, not my younger sister's. You just saw a piece of me and I just outed myself as a Miley Cyrus fan.

What is Serendipity? Serendipity is giving a used books corner in a garage sale one more chance after raiding the entire thing for six times without the success of finding a novel that will suit your taste. You try the corner most shelf, you found nothing on it that you might like, so what do you do? You push that fated shelf a little bit, a book might have fallen behind, used books in garage sales are like that. You see it, you pin your longer arm behind the shelf to reach it. After perspiring alot and meriting curious stares from the people around you, you finally reach that book, and find out that it’s a novel with a lesbian character. You pay for that book for thirty-five pesos and walk out of the garage sale gloating to fate and feeling like a winner.

What is Serendipity? Serendipity is wanting to go home to your house in Proj. 6 because you have a lot of assignments to do. Sadly, your friend asks you to accompany her to a used books stall in your University. It’s far from the jeepney terminal, but being the friend you are, you agree to her. You check  out the titles available at the store while your friend inquires about the book she’s required to read for the English subject she’s taking. You run your fingers through the spines of the books. They don’t really look like they’ve been used at all. You run your fingers through the spine of a book, and you take a double look. Can it be? No it can’t, can’t it? It’s the book you’ve been looking all over Metro Manila for, and you find it there, when you’re not even looking.

What is Serendipity? Serendipity is finding out that just when you thought you can flaunt the book you bought, you can’t, because the owner knows the plot, and hopefully, if you aren’t ready to come out just yet, he doesn’t realize why you are so excited about that novel.

All I say to you now are true. Finding les-curious novels in this country is hard to do. Though this theory has excemptions (Haruki Murakami’s Sputnik Sweetheart which you can find in a bookstore near you), it is virtually true for all other novels such as the Jane Austen Book Club, Fingersmith, Keeping You a Secret, Oranges are Not the Only Fruit and many others. What of the revolutionary G and L section at National Bookstore, you say? Most of them cater to gay men, plus they are the pulp fiction type that I only want to see in Quentin Tarantino films.

No, I can’t buy them from Amazon. The least thing I want is my mom finding a book with a cover of two girls kissing in the morning at our doorstep sent in to my name.  So what I did was search around in the databases of the country’s top bookstores in hopes of finding these books, to no avail. Little did I know that two of these books are lying around, waiting to be found in places that I did not care to look.

The book at the back of the shelf

I first read about the Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler when AfterEllen made a feature about its film adaptation. I only read the article because Emily Blunt plays one of the main characters. It is basically about a Jane Austen book club formed by five women and a guy. They hold out meetings and discuss the works of Austen, with each member assigned a book to spearhead. Little did they know that their lives would be parallel to those of the beloved characters of Austen. The interesting part is, one of the girls is a lesbian yet in the story, no fuss is made about it and it was treated like a heterosexual relationship would be treated by ABC.

So one day, my feet took me to a garage sale in our neighborhood on Proj. 6. That house has been running that sale for almost a year now, they never seem to run out of stuff (or no one really buys from them). I guess it was about time to check it out. Once I entered the garage, the sight of three shelves bearing disheveled books immediately attracted me to it. The shelves do not have a backboard, so things could actually fall at the back. I immediately went there to scavenge whatever books I can. I wasn’t even looking for anything in particular, for such small selections, one shouldn’t even expect. I found the generic The Beach House by James Patterson (something I seem to find in every used books store I visit), but after rummaging the pile atleast six times (a personal rule), I was about to give up. Luckily I gave it one more chance, I might have overlooked something after all. I lifted the books one by one, for some precious piece of literature might be hiding under. I rearranged stacks, I checked every corner, yet nothing. I decided to push the shelf a little to the side. I had to do it slowly so that the owner won’t hear me manhandling his property. Indeed, a few books already fell on that side, neglected by whoever was supposed to be arranging them.

I reached out with my long arm, towards the book that caught my eye first just because it was a red one. When I was finally able to pull it out and read the title, I cannot believe it. No f***ng way! You’ve got to be kidding me! So I immediately stood up, not wanting an opportunity like this go, and paid the cashier the entire thirty-five pesos worth of all their trouble of not arranging the stack of books. Lucky for me, I followed my hunch. And thought the movie version is better than the novel, I can still say that it was worth all the dust I inhaled while reaching that book at the back of the shelf.

The movie was better than the book, not just because it had Emily Blunt.

De-shelved!

So you all know that I’m a closeted lesbian. Not just that, I’m an extremely insecure and pretentious closeted lesbian who won’t get caught ever checking out lesbian fiction at bookstores. Atleast at National Bookstore. I, no matter how brilliant my hiding schemes are, found a match one day in the face of the owner of the used books shop along the AS Walk at UP Diliman.

The accused:

Me

The accusation:

several counts of les-curiousity

The witness:

the owner of the book shop by the AS Walk

The evidence:

a copy of Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

The verdict:

De-shelving, loss of the right to brag about stealth prowess, loss of the right to return to that book shop until the owner forgets about the incident.

You’ve got to understand, this is not me exaggerating things. This is me being the insecure and paranoid lesbian that I am. Insecure that people around me will think I’m a lesbian. Paranoid that the people around me do know I’m a lesbian. So here is how it happened:

That afternoon, when my last class was done, I badly wanted to go home because of the tons of homework I didn’t do during the week-end. The one that I always ride the jeepney home with, a sophomore classmate of mine in that subject, said that she needed to buy a book for an English subject she’s taking. I told her that we could buy it at SM or Trinoma since those malls are on our way. She asked me if it would be okay if I accompany her at the said used books stall because she wanted to save on money. I agreed, not really in the mood to ride a jeep alone because it was raining.

So she asked the owner of the store if they had her book. As the owner searched for the right translation, I examined the titles around me. Not bad. The books are actually fairly new and so are the titles. I wish I had some money on me (or rather, that I’m not so kuripot), so that I can buy something of Murakami’s. I stooped down in order to check more titles (there’s something about low corners when it comes to lesbian fiction). Yup, you guessed it, I saw it. I didn’t really see the title, rather, I saw the name of Sarah Waters and the picture of the two gloves I know so well because I spent many hours looking it up on Amazon wishing that I can order it. I immediately looked at the price: 275 pesos. Good, I had more than enough. I was so excited I had to restrain myself from jumping as I hurried to the owner to pay him. He saw me holding the book before I reached him.

Owner(signalling to the book in my hand): Ay, maganda ‘yan, ine. That’s a good one, child.

(I didn’t really believe him then when he said that. Could he possibly have read all those books he was selling? So I tested him.)

Me: Ay, ‘yong pelikula palang po ‘yong napapanood ko. I’ve only seen the movie.

Owner: Iyong pelikula ba? Maganda rin ‘yon, kaso masyadong sensitive nga lang. The movie was good too, though it touched on sensitive tones.

(Oh, f**k! Alam niya talaga iyong kwento! My insecurities kicked in, it’s time to escape.)

Me: Gan’un po ba? Mas maganda nga raw po ‘yung libro kesa sa pelikula. Is that so? I’ve heard that the book was better than the movie.

(Um, sige, idiin mo pa, kulang na lang sabihin mo na sabi ng AfterEllen yan eh.)

Owner: Mas maganda nga talaga ‘yan, may mga dialogue ‘yan na wala sa pelikula eh.The book is indeed better. There are dialogues in the book not present in the movie.

Me: Salamat naman, ang tagal ko nang hinahanap to. Ang meron lang Powerbooks, indefinitely out-of-stock pa. Hardbound na 600. Thank God. I’ve been looking for this for a long time. Only Powerbooks had it, and it’s out-of-stock indefinitely. A 600 peso hard-bound copy.

(Um! Buhay ka pa!)

Owner: Dito ka na lang. Mas mura pa, bago naman iyan e. Tsaka maski paper back niya di mo makukuha ng 250 kahit saan. Just buy it here, it’s cheaper and it’s still new. You cannot buy even the paper back version for 250 pesos anywhere.

(Good thing the talk has turned into the sales type. I have never been this comfortable during a sales talk.)

So I paid him, grabbed the arm of my friend who already had the book she needed, and left after saying thank you. Did he have an idea of what I am? I think he did, I hope not. I also hope that the day will come that I can finally buy my books on Amazon without fear and with full freedom.

So You Don’t Have To, the pilot entry

by Geri

Here it is!!

My Summer of Love (2004), a film by Pawel Pawlikowski (that gave me a hard time to spell )

We have asked for many things in our life. Either openly or in solitude, we long for things that do not belong to the norm of our day-to-day living, a break from this reality, something to save us from the clockwork-of-a-routine that is our life. Due to the law of averages, life is not always on the negative, and once in a while, we are given a taste, a touch or a moment. But we tend to ask for more than what we are given. The taste, we want to savor. The touch, we want to linger. The moment, we want to last for a lifetime. We want more, and coincidentally, more is the most dangerous thing to ask for. Good, because danger is my middle name!

TRAILER SYNOPSIS

My Summer of Love takes us with two girls to a British countryside one summer. Tamsin (Emily Blunt) is an upper-class, pampered, boarding school educated, city girl, who vacations in the countryside because she was suspended in school for being, in her own words, a bad influence on others. Mona (Nathalie Press), is a working class country girl who rides a motor-less bike, is bored with her life, shags married men in their cars and has an evangelical older brother as her only living relative. They meet that fateful summer afternoon, when Tamsin found Mona lying among the grass, and asked for her name. Opposites attract, and both found out that they have a lot to teach the other, finding a much-needed break from the emptiness and monotony of the life they were leading. They shared a passionate, intoxicating and exhilarating summer together, but not everything is what it seems, as all summers are bound to make way for autumn.

THE FULL SYNOPSIS Though I’d prefer that you don’t read this:
In Yorkshire, Tamsin and Mona meet for the first time when the latter, while on horseback, spotted the later, lying among the grass. She asks for her name, and invites Mona to drop by her house anytime during that summer. The two new acquaintances leave together, with Tamsin still on horseback and Mona on her engine-less scooter.

When Mona comes home, she finds her older brother, Phil, throwing out all the alcohol in the pub that was once ran by their mother. Phil went to prison, and in there, has undergone a spiritual transformation and became a born-again Christian. He is preparing for a rally of new Christian converts and closing down the pub is a part of it. Bored and disgusted with her brother, she meets up with her boy friend that is a married man, and they have sex inside his car in a parking lot, after which he breaks up with her. The next day, Mona comes to Tamsin’s house in order to avoid the rally organized by her brother. They began to bond and form a friendship while drinking and smoking all day while sharing the problems they face in their everyday lives. Tamsin opens up to Mona, telling her of the death of her older sister due to anorexia, as well as her father’s affair with his secretary.

The next day, Tamsin takes Mona to the place where her father and his secretary consummate their adulterous affair. They smash a window of his car and promptly run off. Tamsin invites Mona to spend the night in her mansion because her parents were not home and she agrees. The next day, Tamsin purchases an engine for Mona’s scooter and they ride it to a nearby river to swim. There, while clad in bikinis, Tamsin kisses Mona for the first time. They go back to Tamsin’s house where Mona tries some dresses. Later that day, she dances in one of the dresses she has tried outside in the mansions tennis court while Tamsin plays a song on her cello. As par of her impromptu choreography, Mona drops dead to the ground where Tamsin kisses her passionately. Later that night, the two girls have sex for the first time in Tamsin’s bed.
The day after, Phil finds the two girls sunbathing and invites them to the rally. He wants to erect a giant cross on the hill in their town in order to save it. Mona and Tamsin join the born-again Christians in their rally, where Phil prays for her sister believing that she is in some kind of turmoil. Tamsin behaves as if she was attracted to Phil during this encounter.

Later that Day, Mona takes Tamsin to the bar where her ex-boyfriend works. They shamed him and behaved intimately around each other, dancing suggestively, which disturbed the other bar patrons. This prompted the bouncer to take them out of the establishment by force. Later, they go back to the river where they shared their first kiss. There, they made an eternal pact to kill the other if the other attempts to leave the relationship.

The next morning, the girls leave the riverside to breakfast at Tamsin’s house. Phil arrives looking for Mona, and Tamsin attends to him, pretending to seduce him. Phil responds and tries to kiss her but Tamsin mocks and ridicules him. Losing his temper, Phil grabs Tamsin by the neck and hurts her. He proceeds to ground Mona and forbids her to see her girlfriend, locking her up in her room but Mona refuses to heed to his demands. The born-again Christians Phil studies the bible with witnesses this and he begins to kick them out of their former pub. Determined to start a new life with Tamsin, Mona leaves her brother.
Tamsin promised Mona that they’ll set off to another country together, but when Mona arrives at her house, she discovers that Tamsin is going back to her boarding school at the end of summer. Mona sees Tamsin’s sister, Sadie, alive and in the house. Sadie asks Mona to give her back the top she was wearing, the top that Tamsin gave her because Sadie was supposed to be deceased. Feeling cheated, Mona leaves to go to the riverside, which has been their special spot. Tamsin follows her and tells her that she should have realized that summer flings are just that: flings. Hurt at being Tamsin’s idea of summer fun, Mona asks Tamsin about her sister Sadie. Tamsin tells her that she’s a fantasist, that Mona shouldn’t have taken it that seriously. Mona slides into the water whilst fully clothed and Tamsin follows her. They kiss passionately, and it seems that Mona has forgiven Tamsin for all her theatrics, but in a split second, she grabs Tamsin by the neck and attempts to drown her, fulfilling her earlier oath by the river. After scaring Tamsin, she allows her to live. She leaves a shamed Tamsin as Mona walks of on her own with a smile on her face.
END OF SYNOPSIS

My Summer of Love, a film by Pawel Pawlikowski, is not a story about two teenage girls falling in love as I’ve said before. It’s not even a story about two teenage girls. It is a story about THE teenage girl, emphasize on the THE. The teenage girls in the film are stripped bare of all the trappings; the music, the fad, the peer pressure, until what were left are the emotions and feelings that define that age. The story is simple and straightforward. It does not hide behind poetic dialogue, complicated twists or symbolisms. What you see is what you get, and what you get are only the essentials. The film was adapted from a novel of the same title by Helen Cross; a novel that focused on the differences between England’s social background and included a miner’s strike.  These things were removed from the film, the character Phil was invented by Pawlikowski, and the result is a risky, yet timeless story, a story removed from this time but does not alienate the audience because it speaks truth for all generations who now are or once were fifteen.

a novel by Helen Cross

You may say, Geri, I’m no Tamsin or I’m not a doormat like Mona, but trust me, we all were or are, in some way. We just react differently, because people react differently to things; that’s what makes us humans. We might have outgrown these feelings, or otherwise covered them up in make-up and heels, but there’s no denying that when we were fifteen, we wore these feelings shamelessly (because there’s nothing to be ashamed about them) on our sleeves, and also shamelessly want something for them in return. Something more, which is yup, the most dangerous thing to want. Danger is not equal to bad, for bad is something absolute. Danger is equal to risk, which not all of us are willing to take and which won’t always be worth the things we give up for it.

The movie is great; I would even go as far as to say that it is my favorite. The way the story unfolds is perfect; it does not push the plot but lets the story flow in a fluid motion. The viewers learn of Tamsin’s deception about the same time as Mona does, that way, it puts the audience in the same dimension as the characters. The locations and cinematography are so good; it’s like watching a moving painting, something I can only say for Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams. One does not only see the film, you feel it, and you smell it. The texture grows on you and envelops you in a mist. The scent wafts around your nose and sticks to your skin, for the film won’t allow you to forget as soon as you take your next shower. Few films can excite all of your senses.

The actresses are brilliant, that’s hands-down. Emily Blunt, my favorite actress since I saw her in the Devil wears Prada, seems like a veteran yet this was only her second film. She forms a great chemistry with Nathalie Press, a breakthrough in her own right. Their speech and movements, down to the really small eyebrow nods, are just exactly as the scene asks for.

There is one thing we can deduce from the title, that it is love found one summer, and summers aren’t forever. Much like high school is. One thing is sure, it will last as long as none of us are willing to give it up. By making what we think (emphasize on the WE) are the right choices, maybe it won’t even end. Maybe it will only grow into something more, something that will last us a lifetime. Who knows, only time can tell.

THE VERDICT: Do watch it. It’s a really great movie. It got a fresh 92% at rotten tomatoes, who am I to contend the gods? Right, the film maker wannabe.

You can stream the movie here. Scroll down and click the parts, not the entire movie.

Also, visit the amazing official flash site of the movie.

THIS POST IS EDITED. I can’t believe I forgot. This movie is Rated R for sexuality, drinking, smoking, drugs and rock and roll! Anyway, matatalino naman tayong lahat diba.

Exactly!

by Geri

To apologize for being a slow writer, I bring you…

this hilarious Brookegate aftermath video by DocCovington which I found on You Tube. I don’t even need to write about it, she took the words right out of my mouth. One can’t help but shout “exactly!” three times after watching this.

Of lesbians in closets and lesbians on shelves

by Geri

So what’s the difference between a closeted lesbian and a shelved lesbian? Apparently, both try to hide, the latter, by pretending to be straight (or screwing Mark Sloan), the later, by pretending to glance at other genres of literature when you were really really caught checking out the Gay and Lesbian Literature shelf.

And I really really caught you checking out the Gay and Lesbian Literature shelf at National Bookstore Trinoma.

While inside the UP Campus SM North Jeepney, munching on the eleven peso turon cue I bought from the vendor by the Shopping Center, I decided to pass by a National Bookstore to buy some things I need for school. I didn’t feel like getting off at the Trinoma stop at the gas station, even if Trinoma is the more convenient of the two malls (MRT is accesible), and there’s a Michael Johns concert going on. Luckily, the jeepney driver told us that he would be making a U-Turn to Trinoma after he drops off the passengers bound for SM North, which saved my swollen, sprained ankle the effort to cross the street. So I limped towards the National Bookstore, while generally admiring my new pair of shoes (that won’t fit well by the way, for my feet were swollen) on every reflective surface I manage to find on the way.

After getting myself a new Pilot G-Tech .3 black pen, a huge notebook for my Chem 16 laboratory and green artpaper which took me 20 painstaking minutes to find, I paid my stuff on the cashier. But before heading out of the store, I decided to pay my respects to the Gay and Lesbian Literature shelf to see if there are any new titles. It’s not much of a shelf, it is actually just a meager lower left corner of a shelf (that’s why we call ourselves the minority). What interested me was that a woman already beat me there. She had long hair tied in a ponytail.She had on a black blouse that she matched with a long denim skirt, and a pair of glasses, and suddenly, my gaydar was off. She was stooping down in front of the G and L Lit corner unaware of my stalkerish moves. I slowly and silently made my way towards her, which was unsuccesful because as soon as she felt me looming behind her, she immediately stood up and pretended to be interested with a paperback copy of Savage Grace by Barbara Daly which was directly above the puny little corner devoted to our sexuality.

Julianne Moore, the patron of shelved lesbians

I had to leave the store right away because I can’t contain my laughter. I really can’t help but smile stupidly wide as I left because I know her reactions too well. How many times have I grabbed Savage Grace whenever someone passes by me as I check out the G and L Lit corner? Hell, now I even memorize the name of the author of that book. It also doesn’t help that the corner was located at the bottom most part of the shelf. One needs to stoop down in order to view the titles which just makes it too obvious to other people as to where your sexuality leans, and it makes closeted lesbians like me all too uncomfortable and insecure. So I’ve mastered the fine art of squinting my eyes, walking ten steps backward and walking forward at the speed of 1 step/s at the side of that forsaken shelf all while trying to read the titles of the books and appearing that you’re not trying to read the titles of the books. It helps if you’re a fast reader, which I proudly am. It takes alot of effort, and after several sessions, you’ll probably need glasses. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Erica needed hers.

What’s supposed to be a major article and the never ending breed of stupid

by Geri

I really want to post a massive article today, like the one I did on Brookegate, Prop 8 and the Worst.Lesbian.Week.Ever., because it’s a Monday and I don’t have classes. Sadly, I already spent half of the day in the hospital because of lumps forming at the back of my head. What I thought were tumor spots were actually just my lymphatic nodes, so nothing to worry about for me.

So what’s up? other than, and I quote from Hairspray,  a whole lot of ugly coming from a never ending breed of stupid (ABC), first things first. I found this video at AfterEllen. It’s MSBNC talk show host Keith Olbermann, a straight guy speaking to other straight people about Prop 8. He is speaking for us.

A lot of straight people have spoken up in our defense too. If you click the AfterEllen link above, you’ll see what they have to say, and they’re really really nice things.

On to the plans.

This week, I’ll be busying myself with how to get more blog traffic. I’ll keep writing as long as people are reading, even if it’s just three people. Pero mas masaya kung mas marami diba. Plus, I’d love to hear from people from different places. Last night, I was thrilled to find out that Dr. Janice Covington, the one who wrote Don’t Bullshit the Hahn, commented on my Brookegate article. So people, if you’re reading, please comment and tell me how the hell did you chance upon this blog, so that I know which of my actions are getting people to view my posts. And, if you can suggest on ways to explode blog traffic, I’ll be grateful in advance.

What I’ve been doing:

• Blog hopping and linking my site on people’s tagboards.
• Sticking post it’s with my url on the backdoors of comfort room cubicles in malls and UP Diliman.
• Advertising my blog on the Philippine Collegian.
• Researching, of course, on how to get more blog traffic.

Other plans

Unlike the Department of Agriculture, I do have plans. First off, Mondays will be massive article days, as massive as the first post but not always as major (for I hope that the whole lot of ugly coming from a never ending breed of stupid don’t go b*shitting us every week). I’d like to think for now that I’ll start of with a Willow and Tara article next Monday, or how hot and attractive Brooke Smith is, I don’t know yet, but what I do know is, it will begin next Monday. Or, if not, I’ll still write something about my sorry excuse for not writing (like tumor cells that are really just swollen lymph nodes).

Also, I’ll be launching So You Don’t Have To sometime this week. So You Don’t Have To would be me watching and reading any lesbian or les-curious work in popular culture I manage to get my hands on in ways that are legal or acceptably legal in our country, so you don’t have to. I’ll write the synopsis and review it for you, and basically tell you if a film, or book is worth your leaves-seeing eyes. But don’t listen to me, do watch them anyway, they’re rare and precious.

Whenever and if ever this blog gets huge traffic, I’ll be inviting guest writers (just my les-curious friends, I’ll set my gaydar to a maximum). It’ll be nice to read about their take on queer stuff, stuff that’s up to them.

I still have other plans, but I don’t want to be someone who announces these to the world only to get disappointed on the end if they do not materialize.

The whole lot of ugly coming from the never ending breed of stupid.

If you’ve been reading the Erica Hahn threads over there at ABC’s site, or are keeping up-to-date with the Callica  LJ Community, you’ll probably know by now that Brooke/Erica has been given the nickname Cake. No need to get confused when I make dessert references.

So, who has watched the last episode of Grey’s Anatomy? Rephrase. Who has managed to watch the last episode of That-which-must-not-be-named? Certainly not me. I have only seen the scenes in which Erica was mentioned in You Tube. So Callie’s been missing the Cake, I’m not going to say her Cake for she did a really good job of taking Erica for granted. Hey Callie, it’s not just you! We’ve all been missing our Cake!

After meeting the new Head of Cardiothoracics, Cristina begins to yearn for Erica, hell, if even Cristina wants Erica back, that is really saying something.

The whole breaking down at the OR thing:LAME. Even Sara Ramirez’ Julliard graduate prowess was not able to save it. That is really saying something.

The only good thing from what I’ve watched is Cristina finding out about Erica and Callie, and it’s not the writing, it’s Sandra Oh and her under-used character.

I avoided watching the show, hence, I can’t make an informed opinion but from what I’ve heard from Callica and non-Callica shippers alike, the show was not half-bad, it’s going down the dumps (does victory dance).

Also, here’s an excerpt from Nurse Debbie’s blog back there at the enemy’s website:

Nurse Debbie

Two questions?  Um, what happened to Hahn?  And, what happened to Hahn?  She was here and then she wasn’t.  I know that she was a little peeved at the whole Izzie/Denny “incident” and that she was a lot peeved at Callie for not taking her side in wanting to report Izzie but to just leave?  Walk out?  Especially on a relationship is just crazy.  I thought Callie took it pretty well until she broke down in the OR when her patient died.

I just want the kid to have a break.  Enough with her getting hurt.  Hahn was obviously not adult enough for the relationship.  Come on people.  You just walk out on a relationship when your partner doesn’t side with you???? Who does that???  Hahn should be prepared to walk out on relationships for the rest of her life if that’s the case.  I wish her well and hope that she continues to save lives with her amazing talent.  I also hope that she just grows up enough to sustain a relationship that lasts more than five minutes.

Three words. Nope, three letters (It’s not ABC, though it is synonymous). WTF?! So Erica is the childish half of the couple? Since when has running off whenever your partner gets emotional, screwing Mark Sloan just to prove a theory and asking a man-whore for sex lessons instead of talking to your girlfriend been the adult thing to do? Callie Torres, the mature half of Callica. Yup. In an alternate dimension where ABC produces Gay’s Anatomy, the Philippines is a developed country and I’m so so straight, I’m extremely straight.

Anyone who seriously gives a shit about the rest of her blogpost, you can tread over the dark side for a while and view it here.

What if Willow and Tara hooked up in 2008?

by Geri

In light of Brookegate (for I know that I can never stop talking about this treachery), what if Willow and Tara hooked up in 2008, in this age of tolerance, equality, social acceptance and an increasing population of lesbian characters on prime time TV?

Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the first ever lesbian couple on prime time TV that involved a regular character. Willow and Tara are portrayed in the show as each other’s true love, in a relationship that spanned more than two seasons, ending with Tara’s death as she was shot by a stray bullet. They are also my favorite couple, as I will elaborate in a different article, but I suggest you do research now (You Tube, Kitten Board), because Willow and Tara is a good investment and would be your first venture into establishing your lesbo street cred.

Tara(left) and Willow(right), your passport to Lesbo Street Cred

So what if these soulmates met today and not back in the year 2000?

• Willow will screw her “person” Xander to prove that she’s not a lesbian.
• After they hook up, Tara will get emotional and tell Willow of her life as a kid; riding horses and being told by her family that her demon side will manifest when she turns 20. Willow will promptly run off to screw Xander. TWICE. On the same day, and will find out that sex with either is awesome.

Good old, loyal Xander

• They would not be naked in bed. EVER. They would refer to wear hideous nightgowns.
• Tara would not have died of a stray bullet at the end of season 6 because Amber Benson would have been fired after the seventh episode for playing a lesbian who’s not Hollywood stick thin.
• Joss Whedon, the creator of the show, would release a statement like: “Miss Amber Benson was clearly not fired for playing a lesbian as there is still another lesbian on the show named Willow Rosenberg.” which no one would actually believe, or something like: “To say that we must not fire an actress because she was playing a lesbian is as offensive to me as to say that she must stay on the show because she plays a straight, boring person.”
• GLAAD would actually back-up these statements, hoping that the show would further develop Willow’s lesbianism
• Willow and Tara’s legion of loyal fans called Kittens (I am one!) would get outraged by this and and send thousands of hate mail and boxes of barbie dolls with genuine molded plastic stamped up their asses to Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon, Mutant Enemy and UPN.

Good thing my favorite couple were stuck at the turn of the new millenium. It’s a blessing!

Top Ten signs that you’re reading a really bad Callica fanfiction

by Geri

So how do you know when you’re up for a really bad read?

10. It starts with talks of threesomes and an elevator kiss.

See, Mark, too much for yah.

9. Callie starts screwing Mark Sloan to prove her heterosexuality.

8. After Callie decides what she wants and kisses Erica, you have to wait for four months for the next installment.

7. After the long wait, you observe that Callie and Erica are awkward around each other, avoiding each other preferrably by covering one’s face with a newspaper.

That typo sure looks interesting.

6. Callie panics during an operation and Erica manages to calm her down using her rich, rich voice that drops atleast one octave lower and by staring at her with her blue, blue eyes. (Not yet proven to be feasible. Needs Mythbusters attention.)

Can somebody else's eyes get any bluer?

5. When Erica asks Callie out on a date, the latter begins to talk about borders and embassies.

4. Callie asks Mark Sloan for sex lessons.

3. When Erica starts to be emotional and exclaims that she’s extremely gay, Callie runs off to screw Mark Sloan. TWICE. On the same day.

2. After going through the trouble of writing everything, the writer kills the storyline, with Erica walking off towards her car after uncharacteristically telling Callie that she can’t kind of be a lesbian.

1. You find no disclaimer stating that the writer is not making any profit from writing the story. You also don’t find “Story, characters and plot are owned by Disney, ABC and Shonda Rhimes et al” in the disclaimer. You find it in the opening credits.

Banner made by Magie Amoureuse.

What I can’t wait to see on You Tube

by Geri

Don't stare at me like that, I can't think straight.

You Tube is the confused teenager’s companion to all things lesbian pop. Armed with the right keywords and a good two hours, one can discover lots of things which one cannot hope to see in our local drama flicks. In fact, I attribute half of my lesbian pop knowledge to You Tube. This is after all, where I discovered Willow and Tara. This is where I watched My Summer of Love, D.E.B.S., Fingersmith and a whole lot of lesbo flicks when I can’t figure out how the hell can I get a DVD copy of each without my mother knowing. So when it comes to another queer film that has as much chance of being shown in the country as Brooke Smith does of ever returning to Grey’s Anatomy, where do you turn to? Good old You Tube.

I definitely can’t wait to see the film I Can’t Think Straight on You Tube ever since I saw the feature about it on AfterEllen. I can, of course, deal with waiting, as I had waited more than a year for Rome and Juliet to be uploaded, but when you see a trailer as meaty as this

one cannot help but feel like Callie Torres after Erica asked her on a date. Excited, check. Nervous, check. Because when a film promises British, Indian, Muslim, Arab, lesbian and romantic comedy all at once, there is a high chance  that it might not deliver. As I recall, our very own Rome and Juliet had a trailer as hot as this one, but the movie was way warm in comparison.

Still, lots of conflict in the plot, my kind of thing. As for a happy ending, it does not really matter to me as long as endings are justified and well built up. It is also interesting to note that the main characters are both women of color with one being an Indian which are like, my favorite people in the world.

Here is a synopsis of the film which I got from its imdb entry.

In the upper echelons of traditional Middle Eastern society, Reema and Omar prepare for the marriage of their daughter Tala. But back at work in London, Tala encounters Leyla, a young British Indian woman who is dating Tala’s best friend Ali. Tala sees something unique in the artless, clumsy, sensitive Leyla who secretly works to become a writer. And Tala’s forthright challenges to Leyla’s beliefs begins a journey of self-awareness for Leyla. As the women fall in love, Tala’s own sense of duty and cultural restraint cause her to pull away from Leyla and fly back to Jordan where the preparations for an ostentatious wedding are well under way. As family members descend and the wedding day approaches, the pressure mounts until Tala finally cracks and extricates herself. Back in London, Leyla is heartbroken but learns to break free of her own self-doubt and her mother’s expectations, ditching Ali and being honest with her parents about her sexuality. When Ali and Leyla’s feisty sister Zara help throw Tala and Leyla together again, Tala finds that her own preconceptions of what love can be is the final hurdle she must jump to win Leyla back. Written by Shamim Sarif

So, if by any epic chance, any of you might have snagged a copy of this jewel, upload ahead!

The Doctor is Out: Brookegate, Prop 8 and the Worst.Lesbian.Week.Ever

Nope, they're not gay, Erica, you are.

by Geri

Erica Hahn, word-class cardiothoracic surgeon, bad-ass extraordinaire and recently extremely gay doctor on the ABC series Grey’s Anatomy just walked-out of our Sapphic TV viewing nights and into oblivion, never to be heard of again.

In simpler words: The doctor came out and is now completely out of primetime TV. Or, Erica sees leaves and promptly leaves. Whatever. I can probably go on forever to describe ABC’s recent treachery but none of this can change the fact that one-half of Callica is gone without a proper send-off and the actress who played her (Brooke Smith) was axed off the show without further warning.

To teenage lesbians in the Philippines who are caught unaware of this entire drama (good for you!) I’ll recap stuff for you so that you don’t need to watch this crap of a lesbian story-line. To those watching Grey’s Anatomy on Studio 23 because of the Callica storyline, stop it, we are two episodes behind so save yourselves while you still can. Go watch the L Word or something else on Youtube.

Warning: Spoilery ahead!

I have never watched a single episode of Grey’s Anatomy before I heard of Callica on AfterEllen. I almost did when my almost step-cousin almost told me about this hit medical drama (that’s another, longer story). But we come from a place were Mulawin, Encantadia, Darna and other telefantasyas thrive, and I honestly could care less about foreign shows. So consider me snatched away from this naive and innocent TV world and into Shondaland the minute I’ve read about Callica.

So what the hell are Callica and Shondaland? and what the hell am I talking about? First things first, let me introduce you to the characters.

Calliope “Callie” Iphegnia Torres

A good game of Twister

A raven-haired beauty played by the wonderful Sara Ramirez, Callie is an ortho and one time Chief Resident at Seattle Grace Hospital. She was married and later divorced to George O’ Malley. She is known to sleep with Mark Sloan in on-call rooms whenever stressed.

Erica Hahn

Attila the Hahn

Resident Ice Princess and quite frankly my favorite character in the show, Erica Hahn, played by the legendary Brooke Smith, is one of the world’s best cardiothoracic surgeon. Not much is known of her past except that she used to wear glasses as a kid and that Izzie Stevens once stole a heart from her patient’s chest. She’s mean mostly to Cristina Yang because she reminds her of herself as an intern.

Callica

Callica was born out of a pretty whore of a man’s dirty talk. Simply put, Mark Sloan’s dirty talks of threesomes with Callie and Erica.

The Beginning of Callica

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

So that was the start of what could have been a classic lesbian love affair between two women who aren’t stick thin, Barbie doll prototypes. Shonda Rhimes, creator of Grey’s Anatomy, was excited to see how the relationship would play out in the long run as evident in this article.

When the next season started, things were awkward for both Callie and Erica. Coming face to face with each other for the first time in Season 5, Erica pretended that she was paged somewhere else and ran off without a word, Callie, meanwhile, covered her face with the newspaper she’s been reading.

and then, this happens:

I don’t know how Callie managed to calm down in front of Erica’s blue blue eyes and her gravelly, sexy voice. Is this one of the first signs of crappy lesbian writing ahead?

Later, Callie decides to confront Erica regarding the kiss they shared last season’s finale. We discover that they are both virgins on the Sapphic side. They decide that they can be scared together and promptly walk out of the hospital side by side. Sounds like a promise? Lesson No. 1, when it comes to promises of lesbo-happiness on TV, don’t get your hopes up.

Moving on. Due to Mark Sloan’s McWhoring and getting into other’s McBusiness, we find out that Callie and Erica’s relationship has moved on from the awkward stage to kissing, handholding and lots of late night gab-sessions (whatever that means). Erica had no idea how Mark was let into their dirty little secret. The Cardio Godess decides to confront Callie about it. She learns that Mark has known from the beginning since Callie confides in him. Erica does not like this idea and we learn later that Erica does not like Mark simply because he’s seen Callie naked.

The Motherland

On the fourth episode, Brave New World, Erica asks Callie out on an official date. Callie agrees but fidgets all day in anticipation. As Erica updates Callie on the time and place of their date, she gets even more nervous.

And I can totally understand. Brooke Smith’s voice as it drops an entire octave lower when she says “We’re doing this.” is the birds and the bees. If ever it had a voice, that’s what it would sound like.

Callie informs Bailey that she is going out on a date with Erica Hahn that night. She speaks of her fears using metaphors.

The look on Bailey’s face=priceless

Finally let into the hospital’s newest secret, Bailey observes Erica Hahn totally checking Callie out as the latter boards an elevator with an octogenarian.

Again. The look on Bailey’s face=priceless

After seeing Erica totally smitten with Callie, Bailey gives the Latina some advice on how to deal with the Motherland, and because teen lesbian Philippines is my audience, I won’t post a video nor discuss what in the frillin heck that is. Go figure when you’re of the right age.

Armed with advice from Bailey on how to deal with the Motherland, Callie goes out on THE date in the hottest red dress I’ve ever seen on a curvy woman’s body since I wore mine to our JS prom (hehe, yabang!). Erica and Callie talk of expectations. They decide that the slow route is the best route to the Motherland.

The Sloan Method

Lesson No.2: When two lesbians plan on taking things slow, it is most likely that they won’t. After going out on a different date, Callie and Erica finally do what Callie’s so nervous about, the Motherland. Waking up the next day, Callie realizes that she does not like it and asks resident man-whore Mark Sloan for some mentoring.

Seeing Leaves

After a night of successful trekking South of the border and up the Northern Mountains of the Motherland, Erica has a revelation in a scene that will go down the Annals of Lesbian TV History as one of the best. Brooke Smith so deserves an Emmy.

Too bad. After shooting this scene, the powers-that-be inform Brooke Smith that they cannot write for her character anymore. After another episode, she is to be let go. Which brings us to Brookegate.

Brookegate

Remember, remember the third of November

Of ABC’s treason and plot

I see no reason why ABC’s treason

Must ever be forgot

November the 3rd. A Monday. The day Dara of AfterEllen will recap last Thursday’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It was coincidentally the day of the freshmen enrollment at UP Diliman so I was not able to read her recaps until I got home at about 4 o’ clock in the afternoon. While waiting in line for the person who’s supposed to validate our forms, a former classmate of mine (who has been a fan of Grey’s since its debut episode) and I began to talk about the upcoming episode, Rise Up. We stood there and speculated wall will happen to Izzie (with me pretending to care), and I stood alone in my own mind and quietly speculated what will happen to Callica on the next episode (He hates Erica. We may all hate Erica but we secretly just want to be her.). The point is, I speculated. We Callica fans had been speculating with high hopes for the entire six weeks that Season 5 has ran. Little did we know that Brooke Smith has been fired from the show way back mid-September. Callica was no more even beforethe season started. Worst still, she was made the villain in her last episode when the truth is, she was the only one in Seattle Grace who thinks the way a doctor should.

The reason she was fired? Apparently, the executives at ABC began to be concerned of the explicit nature their relationship was taking. Explicit? Which couple were they talking about? Mark and Callie? Mark and Addison? Meredith and Derek? Any other couple on Grey’s except Callica? No, they weren’t talking about any of those adulterous, naked and luckily, heterosexual relationships. They were, of course, referring to Callica. The one-chaste-kiss-per-episode Callica. The talk-about-lesbian-sex-using-geographic-metaphors Callica. The have-the-most-amazing-sex-whilst-fully-clothed-in-hideous-outfits Callica. Yup, they were explicit, and John McCain won the election.

There were other factors raised up regarding why Brooke Smith was fired. Erica Hahn is simply not the Hollywood definition of beautiful. She’s not stick thin, young and dumb. She is in fact smart, kick-ass, confident and one of the best cardiothoracic surgeons out there. For Mark Sloan and other men, Erica Hahn is a challenge. You want her not because she’s beautiful (she’s not, the first time you look at her), you want her because you cannot have her, and that’s what makes Erica so attractive. Maybe it is something that the straight audience cannot appreciate. They just couldn’t handle Attila the Hahn.

The point is, whether you like Erica or not, Callica fan or not, this whole issue is ruled by something bigger than just fandom or shipping. This is about homophoba, sexism, looksism, ageism and other isms that are not nice and have no place in a world of tolerance, peace and love. Also, the way they treated Brooke Smith is unfair, unethical and unprofessional. Brooke Smith went as far as to relocate her entire family to LA because of her commitment to her job. Too bad, ABC had to let go of one of the best actresses that ever grazed their studios.

If you care. Kung nabastos ka sa ginawa nila. If you think Brooke Smith deserves to be treated better, then let ABC know what you think.

Click Here for a list of things you could do to help.

One day we all will look back on this and say: They cannot b*shit us the same way that they cannot b*shit Erica Hahn.

Prop 8

After hearing the news about Brookegate and waking up literally sick the next day, I was again faced with bad news bad news and more bad news. No, McCain did not win the election, but the rights of LGBT couples in California and several other states did not win as well. Proposition 8 passed. I just feel so bad for Ellen and Portia and the other gay couples out there who were already married or were given the hope that they can finally marry. Seems like Brookegate was a foreshadowing for what can be considered the Worst.Lesbian.Week.Ever. So much for a first post.